Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Yay! Some of my dialogue gets to see the light of day, thank you *Fiction Groupie*!

Sign up and join *Fiction Groupie's* Blogfest; a contest for awesome dialogue scenes.

Here is my entry into the contest from, ENTANGLED

At the end of the day, Sam wasn’t surprised when Brock went out of his way to catch up with her on her way to Career Study.

“That was a great writing assignment Mr. Peck gave in English, don’t you think?” Brock asked.

“It’s not my favorite topic,” Sam replied.

“It’s funny though,” Brock said.

“What’s funny about road kill?” Sam asked.

“You could go so many different directions with that topic,” Brock said.

“What would your angle be?” Sam asked.

“I think I’m going to take a psychological approach. I read once that road kill is not so much an accident as it is animal suicide,” said Brock.

“That’s absurd. Where do you get your information from, Hot Rod magazine?” Sam asked.

“Think about it. Why are the animals on the road in the first place?” Brock asked.

“Has it occurred to you that we built our highways along their pathways to water?” Sam stated more than asked.

“That makes sense, although cars have been around for more than one hundred years so you would think the animals would have found a different route by now,” Brock said.

“I can’t believe we’re having this discussion. The animals would go extinct if they avoided crossing the road,” Sam said.

“You sound like an animal rights activist right now. Since you seem to know so much about animals, then answer me this, aren’t animals supposed to have superior senses? Wouldn’t these superior senses allow them to hear the patterns in traffic, see the approaching vehicles quite a distance away, and possibly judge distance and speed before crossing the path of their enemies?” Brock retorted.

“You’ve got me there. Let’s say you’re onto something, what would lead the animals to such drastic measures?” Sam asked.

“Female animals,” Brock said matter-of-factly.

“Oh my god, we’re not continuing this discussion any further. You’re amazing,” Sam responded.

“What’s going on, guys?” Dusty met up with them before they walked into the classroom.

“Brock's trying to convince me animals not only commit suicide but it’s the female animals driving the male animals to do it,” Sam said.

“Oh yeah, I’ve heard something like this before. That’s an interesting way to look at it though,” Dusty said.

“Don’t tell me you’re taking his side,” Sam said to Dusty.

“It’s not really a side. There was a study done on suicide deaths in America a long time ago. The study noted feminization as one of the leading causes of the escalation in male suicides,” Dusty explained.

Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head as she walked into the classroom ahead of Dusty and Brock. She could still hear them going on about feminization and suicides as she took her seat in the class.

“Today, all of you will take a test on the first section you learned yesterday that covers all the HIPAA laws. Those of you who learned about first aid yesterday will move onto CPR today, and those of you in Dr. Wells’s section who learned about the hospital will take a test and then begin studying the rules of the hospital,” Mrs. McAlister announced.

Sam bounced her pencil on her thumb as she read through the first page of the test. The test was relatively easy for her, but she couldn’t think about anything except the research she would rather be doing.

“They’re coming for you, too,” the voice said.

Sam recognized the voice as the voice she had been hearing in her head, but she looked around the room to ensure it wasn’t coming from anyone near her. As she glanced around, she caught Brock looking at her. She quickly looked away. Ignoring the voice, Sam focused on the test in front of her.


  1. Oh, my gosh! She's hearing a voice in her head?! I was not expecting that. I do love the conversation about road kill being animal suicide. Very interesting characters!

  2. Whoah! Scary at the end. I like this! Great back and forth.

  3. That was so funny - animal suicide and female animals driving the males to it - I love it! This was so well written! And I really want to know about that voice in her head. :)

  4. I loved the back and forth conversation. If you cut out all the dialogue tags (they are unnecessary if I already know who's talking) it would flow really well.

  5. Love the kicker at the end. It made more impact because I was truly enjoying the funny banter between the two students.

    Like Susan, I really want to know the identity of the voice in her head. I used very few dialogue tags in my entry (come check it out, will you?) And guess what? I got reamed for that.

    Go with what feels right for you, Patricia. Me, being me, I would edit out one or two of your dialogue tags. But I enjoyed the dialogue as is tremendously, Roland

  6. I loved the banter b/w them!! GREAT job. Ohh and the ending--I'd read on!

  7. So well written! I love Brock's character. I actually chuckled out loud.

  8. Thanks for your comments everyone. I just got my first partial request on this manuscript today. Let the games begin!

    It will be interesting to see how this journey pans out.

  9. so cute! i really enjoyed this!

    thanks for sharing :D

  10. Interesting conversation. These kids are definitely academically inclined (ah, nerds?) but I like off color characters. The talking heads thing was a little nerve wracking, and you over used the tags, but the conversation flowed well

    Be interesting to know when in the novel this conversation takes place. I might get a better sense of voice and POV in this reading.

    You write dialogue well, realistically. I could really see the debate taking place.

    Good job. Thanks for sharing this. And congrats on the partial request. Hope it lands you an agent.


  11. The dialogue flowed well. This was really cute -until the great hook at the end. Then, not so cute, but very intriguing...